I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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