I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
