Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
