you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
