How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
