Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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