smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
they're like a gay fantastic four
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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