btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
