drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
