a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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