hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You're breaking my sexual little heart
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
