Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
