i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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