This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
