He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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