So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
