does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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