um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
