She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
