sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
false alarm. still invincible.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
