like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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