Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
