moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
