five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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