Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
