my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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