Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
