I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
