Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize