I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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