so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
