8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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