I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
