I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
