He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
