wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
