just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
