i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
