like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
