hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
