In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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