When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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