Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
