just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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