Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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