I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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