My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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