dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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