Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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