Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
