I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
