if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
