I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
