Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
