You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
