Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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