I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
