his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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