I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
