i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize