Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Randomize
