Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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