don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
