so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
