Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
